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sex

Libido Killers

kissing

There are many factors that can distract, discourage or dampen libido. These are the libido killers. Libido killers affect both men and women. The myth that men always want sex and women never do is simply a myth. In my counselling practice I have seen nearly as many men with low libidos as women.

The following are some factor that tend to reduce libido:

Body Image This issue is not gender specific, both men and women can struggle with body image issues. When you are unhappy or disgusted with your body, the tendency is to hide, to limit and to feel at the very least uncomfortable getting naked and intimate. The shame interferes and can make it almost impossible to relax and enjoy lovemaking.

Past Abuse Sexual molestation or abuse can create associations and feelings that intrude on intimate moments. It can be difficult to leave the past in the past. There may be a pull back reaction, where sex feels like something that should be avoided rather than enjoyed.

Emotional Struggles Depression can leave people uninterested in life, let alone intimate relations. Whether it is cause or affect depression and lowered libido often go hand in hand. As well, antidepressants can have unwanted sexual side effects.

Relationship Problems A lack of intimacy and closeness in the relationship can lead to withdrawal and a loss of interest in lovemaking. Unresolved conflicts can contribute to a build up of resentment, which has the effect of throwing a wet blanket on the flickering candle of desire.

Parenting Busy lives, lack of time alone or privacy and shifting priorities can create roadblocks to sexual expression. Focusing too much attention on the children and no attention on strengthening the couple relationship can seriously decrease libido.

Grief or Loss Grief can bring up anger and sadness, that for periods of time may consume your attention, leaving little room for interest in lovemaking. For some it can feel wrong to enjoy life when their loved one is gone.

Lack of Confidence A lack of confidence in yourself or in your sexual abilities may cause you to talk yourself out of being sexual before you even begin. A sense of confidence makes it easier to feel sensual and to act on those feelings.

Stress When stress levels escalate, it can be difficult to shut off the worries long enough to enjoy being intimate with your partner. Sex can start to feel like just one more thing on the to-do list.

Sleep Deprivation When sex is left to the end of a busy day at the end of a busy week, there can be little motivation and no energy left to feel interested in lovemaking. People can simply be too tired to care.

Top Ten Sex Do's

Top 10 Sex Do's

Here are a few tips to help you vasty improve the quality of your sex life:

1. At all times be respectful of your partner. Do not pressure and do not cave into pressure to participating in activities that leave either of you feeling used or dirty. What is sexually arousing to one person may be a real turn off to another. Your activities in the bedroom and elsewhere should never require either of you to go against your better judgment or values.

2. Make time for just the two of you. Don't allow work, parenthood or other stresses make you celebate. Let's face it quality time for each other and for lovemaking will not happen without some forethought and commitment. If your relationship is important to you make time for bonding.

3. Be an active Participant Don't simply lay there expecting your partner to turn you on. Making love to a corpse is not a turn on for most people. Get involved and enjoy touching as well as being touched. Take some responsibility for getting yourself excited.

4. Be your best self. Take care of yourself physically and otherwise. Yes your partner should accept you for who you are, but even an old house looks better when it is painted and cared for. Exercise, eat properly, and get enough sleep. A healthy you is a sexy you.

5. Be flexible. Here we are not necessarily talking funky positions, although that may be fun as well. Having too many "rules" such as sex is only allowed on Saturday in the bedroom, in the dark, can make your love life routine and boring. Too many prerequisites for sex can dampen the mood and kill spontaneity. Be willing to experiment and expand your sexual repertoire.

6. Be clean. Questionable or wafting body odor is a huge turn off. Be respectful of your partner, wash before sex. It is also a good idea to shave what needs shaving.

7. Compliment your partner and show appreciation. Criticism in bed is deadly. Nothing kills the mood faster than criticism about body or technique. Offer compliments not criticism. It is important to talk about what you want in bed, but do it in a positive way. Talk about what you want, not what you don't like.

8. Create atmosphere. Distractions and interruptions can ruin the mood. Keeping one eye on the television or answering your phone during sex is a definite no-no. Create some uninterrupted time to enjoy each other. Light some candles, play some music and focus on each other.

9. Flaunt your assets Stop obsessing about hiding your body. Allow your partner to love and accept you as you are. Problems with body image can hamper your love life. Get comfortable with your body, relax, show off and tease a little. Lovemaking should be fun. Allow yourself to enjoy.

10. Pay attention to each other. If you want to have great sex, this starts long before you get to the bedroom or whatever room you wish to make love in. Taking each other for granted or ignoring your relationship is going to have consequences in your love life. It is much more difficult especially for women to get passionate when they feel disconnected from their partner. Pay attention to each other and take time to strengthen your relationship.