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positive attention

Open Your Eyes

The wisdom of Benjamin Franklin says, "Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, and half shut afterwards." When this idea is applied to noticing faults it works well. However too many people exist in their marriage in a semi trance state, not really aware of their partner’s thoughts and feeling. Sometimes they are not even aware of their own thoughts and feelings. My advice is to open your eyes in your relationship. I agree with Benjamin Franklin that after marriage you need to worry less about, “Are we compatible” and more about, “How can we make this work.” But my focus here is the importance of eye contact.


Think back to the last couple of interactions that you had with your partner. Were your eyes on your partner's eyes or were they on the newspaper, the television, the mirror, the road or whatever distraction it may be. In the memory do you see their face, their expression, their response? Or is memory more about the message you were giving them.

Focused positive attention is amazingly powerful in any relationship. Eye contact is what helps your partner feel heard, appreciated and cared about. Eye contact encourages your partner to talk and share their thoughts feelings and opinions. Loving eye contact can be one of the most intimate experiences you will share.

If your memories of talking with your partner do not include looking into their eyes, watching their facial expression, and an awareness of their feelings and opinions, then it is time to open your eyes in your relationship.