In order to have a passionate relationship in the bedroom, it is important to establish adult – adult relating patterns. When people start wagging their fingers at their partners, telling their partners how to think, feel or behave they have moved into a parent – child style of relating. The parent – child style of relating is not sexy and tends to dampen rather than excite libido.
True passion involves vulnerability – completely surrendering to each other and to the moment. It is difficult for a couple to feel open and vulnerable when they have been bickering. If a husband or wife feels like they have to pick up after and take care of their partner like one of the children, how likely are they to be breathlessly waiting to roll into bed with their partner? The same question applies, if a partner feels that they are being treated like a child?
Increasing passion can be a challenge in committed relationships. Carefully and honestly examine your behavior in your relationship. Are there times when you behave more like a parent or a child than a mature adult?
- Do you lecture or scold your partner?
- Do you whine and complain to or about your partner?
- Do you demand that you get your way, now?
- Do you take responsibility for things that should be your partner’s responsibility?
- Do you have temper tantrums or volatile reactions to criticism?
The more couples approach their relationships as two mature adults, the more they will be willing and able to be vulnerable with each other. Emotional maturity allows partners to approach the bedroom in ways that enhance, rather than erode their love life. Emotionally mature couples are more likely to feel aroused by their partner and have a satisfying love life.
When partners are emotionally mature they are more able to be fully present during lovemaking. They are more open to being creative, adventurous and respectfully enjoying one another. They are willing to share what they enjoy and happy to learn about their partner’s preferences, wants and desires.
Mature partners can easily accept and respect when their partner chooses to say “no” or is uninterested in sex. They do not assume that this means there is something wrong with them or the relationship or that their partner does not love them. To them, sex is something to be enjoyed by choice not out of duty or obligation. They recognize that obligatory sex is one sure way to dampen libido.
Emotionally mature couples are secure in themselves. They are able to be vulnerable and to easily express and receive love. They are considerate and empathetic and are willing to make sacrifices for each other.
Increased awareness of those times that you may slip into the parent – child, rather than adult – adult relating style, will increase your ability to make a different choice. As you increase the maturity of your interactions with each other, you may also notice increased heat in the bedroom.