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Ask For What You Want

If you want to improve your communication by over 60% then there is the simple, although not always easy tactic of asking for what you want. It would seem simple to ask for what we want, however it is amazing how many people are reluctant to do so. Some feel they should not have to ask for what they want; that it somehow makes it less romantic or meaningful if they have to ask their partner for what they want. This applies to what kind of movie they want to see as well as to what they enjoy in bed. They feel that their partner should know what they want and should be offering without being asked. Granted it feels really good when your partner gets it right, but most of the time disappointment is the result of the hope they figure it out approach.

Some people either do not know what they want or they do not want to admit what they want. They may not have had a lot of experience with self-awareness or they may be reluctant to express a want since this may set them up for disappointment or make them feel vulnerable. Some may even feel undeserving or that it is not okay to ask for what they want.

Some say that they have asked, repeatedly, to no avail and have given up asking. They feel their partner just tunes them out and does not care about what they want or need. If this is how you are feeling you may want to read “The Art of Being Heard.”

Most people have learned to communicate indirectly in their family of origin. They learn to hint or suggest, rather than ask for what they want. Some have even learned to deceive and manipulate rather than be up front about what they want.

You can choose to be more direct. You can choose to be honest with yourself and with your partner. You can give yourself permission to ask for what you want. When you say what you mean and mean what you say, communication becomes much clearer and miscommunications happen far less frequently.