The key to developing resilient relationships begins with the relationship that you have with your self. Other than the relationship you have with God or your higher power, your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself. All your relationships will reflect and be influenced by this relationship. If you are struggling to love and accept yourself, it will be difficult for you to trust or feel the love offered by your partner.
It is the personal insecurities that often erode relationships. A lack of self-love or confidence may manifest as indecision in your relationship. You may fear that your ideas or suggestions may be rejected. It may also keep you in a relationship that is toxic or abusive. You may fear being alone, or feel that you do not deserve better.
A healthy foundation of respect and love for your self will make your relationship more resilient. You will also be able to bounce back quicker, when self-doubt starts to creep in.
Research has shown that some people seem to be naturally resilient. It has also shown that resilient behaviors can be learned. Resilient behaviors include being optimistic, practicing healthy self-care, cultivating spirituality or a sense of purpose, using positive self-talk, reaching out to others, goal setting and creative problem solving. Most importantly, simply practicing these skills will help you be more resilient.
Here are some ideas to help you create a resilient relationship:
- Give yourself permission to ask for what you need and want.
- Be open to what your partner needs and wants.
- Choose to believe that you deserve to be treated respectfully.
- Choose to consistently treat your partner with respect and caring.
- Choose to believe that you deserve happiness, abundance and joy in your life.
- Forgive others and yourself.
- Let go of resentment and negative self-talk.
- Focus on what is great and wonderful in your relationship and your life.
- Bring awareness to your negative beliefs about yourself.
- Choose to replace those negative beliefs with positive affirmations.
- Feel and express gratitude.
- Set healthy boundaries.
- Give yourself permission to say ‘no’ to things that are detrimental.
- Stand tall and act confident, until you feel it.
Resilient relationships are not something that you either have or do not have. Resilient relationships are the result of people taking care of themselves and each other. Begin by taking responsibility for improving your relationship with your self; and move toward creating a more resilient relationship.