4. What advice would you give couples planning to get married?
Don't
Ascertain what level of commitment to the Lord each has, follow the commandments and die young.
Make sure you want to be married, pray pray and pray to get a conformation if it is right. Become best friends.
- Marriage can be one of the most beautiful unions on this earth, but you both have to work at your marriage everyday! It isn’t always easy – it is a lot of hard work – but it can be worth it in the end.
- To treat your mate as you would like to be treated – ‘The Golden Rule.’
- Be prepared to have disagreements and that it’s okay to disagree but to talk things out. Good communication skills is one of the most important tools for a successful marriage. I had never heard my parents fight or have a disagreement of any kind while I was growing up so that when we were married, I thought our marriage was over the first time we had a disagreement. I know my brother felt the same way.
- Do things together as couples and as a family.
- Attend church together – pray together as a couple and as a family.
- Remind each person that they are to be supportive of each other – that they need to respect each other and daily show their love and appreciation for each other – don’t take the other for granted!
Talk about the hard stuff before you get married - kids, how many kids, disciplining kids as in to spank or not to spank, money, who earns it who controls spending it, what are priorities on spending it, retirement, where you will live, would you move for one another if their job required it, sex, religion, politics, in-laws - where will you spend the holidays, pets - do you want them, what kind and how many?
Take time for yourself. Make certain that the person you are marrying is diligent and spiritually commited, they will probably be highly dedicated in other areas of their lives. have a great sense of humor. You're going to need it. The sex gets old fast.
Talk, talk, talk. Decided what is important - what needs to be common ground (examples could be how to raise the children, religion - or not, education, will the woman work after children, what lifestyle you expect to live, etc.) and what you can live with.
Well, for one thing, I think it took us about a year to feel adjusted to living together. Also, talk about your dreams together. And for the wedding day, if money is ok, make sure there will be no regrets (if the bride has always dreamed she would have something in particular, just do it!)
MAKE SURE! You need to be more than just in love... you need to want the same things out of life and have the same direction. Similar interests are important but not critical. Keep financial matters to yourselves as a couple, it's no one else's business.....
Never go to sleep at night mad at each other.
Pray as a couple.Advice to someone getting married - make sure you have good communication skills and can really talk about things.
Know your soon to be inlaws because your spouse will probably become like that, go into marriage with your eyes wide open and after marraige go through with your eyes partly shut. Meaning to let go of the things that
"bug" you and give your partner 100% of yourself, withholding nothing. Compliment your partner, tell him what you appreciate, what you like, understand his love language and know what yours is and share it. Talk lots
and communicate in "I" statements not accusatory statements.
Remember to always always love and respect one another. When respect leaves, so does love. He is not going to be perfect, and I have news for you, neither is she. But, together you can be perfect. Expect the best, give the best and you will get the best.
Do all the above and be committed, to God and to each other.
If I had any good advice I would probably still be married.
Think....use your head and not your heart when making these decisions for your future. Don't be childish and operate on emotions and butterflies in your stomach. I realize that marriage isn't necessarily forever and you can divorce if things go ugly...but remember most couples bring children into the world. Do you really want to enter a marriage with someone you don't thoroughly know, find out after you've got 3 kids that he is a bum, and then you've helped mess up three more kids in this world!!?? Slow down and really think about this.
Pre-nuptual agreement...I don't care what your preacher, granny, or anyone else says about trust and love - you take care of the business end of marriage. And women especially, this is hard ball, you make sure that you get your fair share in these documents and cover all the bases...I don't care how much you love your sweetheart...think about yourself during these negotiations. You can be all lovey dovey after the documents are signed.
Get an education. Don't leave it up to the man to provide. Have a backup plan for the sake of yourself and your future children and especially as an example to future daughters.
Don't live with your parents...no matter how cheap it is.
Don't live beyond your means. Don't live on credit cards and overdraft. Outside of house, car and major appliances...if you don't have the cash...you don't buy it. Live on what you earn. Down size if necessary. It's amazing what you can live without. Do you really want to be paying on a house for 75 years?
Have kids when you've really thought it through. One parent should stay home and raise the kids. Don't tell me you can' t afford it. If you are making more than minimum wage you can afford it. It all boils down to priority. And don't tell me that day cares are quality child care and your kid will be fine. No one, NO ONE, loves your child the way you do. No one, NO ONE has your child's best interests at heart the way you do. No one, NO ONE is wanted more by your child than YOU!
Find mentors...whether officially or unofficially. Choose mature, wiser, knowledgable people whom you can admire and follow their examples, learn from their mistakes, listen to their guidance - whether it is about your marriage relationship, spending of money, raising of kids, etc.
Have fun, and work through any major concerns before you get married. It's no easier to compromise after marriage, as then you have inlaws and family and friends all offering advice and pushing their ideas. If you learn to work together and compromise to make decisions before then, then you'll have a big advantage once you are married.
Be patient, always speak kind words to each other as years later they can still sting, listen to your partner, never go to bed angry with each other, and one that I find important is always give a kiss and hug goodbye or hello!
Pray, pray pray and try to listen to both your head and your heart.
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