3. What makes it easier to adjust to being married?
If you each keep your own house.
Maintain your own identity and interests and a separate residence.
Nothing, it really is hard. If you can treat each other like you are dating and be HONEST completely, things will work out. Put each other first. Go on weekly dates for your entire life, even if it is going on a walk, or going out for icecream. A weekend trip is important for both of you each year, once the kids come.
- When mate works shift work and isn’t there much! All kidding aside, each person needs to have their own interests and time to themselves.
- When you live 2,000 miles from either set of parents.
Knowing your spouse very well before marriage; ideally they should be a close friend.
Having clear communication patterns and expectations, common religious commitment levels and a great sense of humor.
Knowing how to live outside of your own parents' home. The ability to share and compromise.
For one thing, I think it would be great to almost treat marriage like a business that you're running. It needs goals, a plan, it would be great to map out each other's strengths to see who would be good at taking care of which responsibilities. And there needs to be re-evaluations of those goals, plans and how things are going with the responsibilities (jobs around the house, etc). That way, the expectations are reasonable and realistic. In that first meeting, make sure you can talk to each other openly about things that make you 'tick' - eg. leaving the toilet seat up, having the toilet paper go a certain way, etc. Also, make sure finances are talked about. And both should have a reasonable amount that they can spend without having to answer for it (eg $20/month/person).
Distance from family.... although they can be a great support, they can sometimes also be a wedge in a relationship.
Knowing that there will be compromises and sometimes small sacrifices but it's all good.
Remembering what attracted you to the person in the first place and that your spouse is a child of God makes the adjustment easier. Also remember that each of you are a work in progress.
Read scriptures, pray lots...family,couple,meals etc. attend meetings
together, talk talk talk.
If you are both of the same religious beliefs.
Doing something for your spouse everyday. Includes telling something new that happened today, picking up after yourself, volunteering for household chores, date nights, knowing what turns your spouse on.
Alcohol and drugs....no just kidding!! Spending time with other married couples. You'll soon realize that you've got it good at home, or that you're normal, or that sheeesh you really need to get rid of your bum of a mate. Take time for yourself, time together, and time with others. Balance, balance, balance.
Find a man (since I'm female) who believes in equal rights for women. A man who recognizes that he has just as much responsibility to the marriage, or family as you do. If he treats you as a lesser being...dump his sorry behind....he's not gonna change!! A man who values...truly values the "feminine" will make marriage much easier to adjust to because you won't always be fighting an uphill battle.
Spend time together having fun
Communication...listen with your heart not just your ears!
Some family support (but not interference). Time spent with each other's families helps you understand "quirks" :) and cultures.
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