1. What would you have liked to have known before you got married?
How much divorce lawyers cost and how to load a gun.
How reflective the son-mother relationship is of how you will be treated.
We dated 8 months and were best friends, so we knew a lot of personal information, and have kept up the constant talking, so we are still best friends. Talk a lot!! Communicate!
Should have gotten to know his family better so I would have been aware of how his parents treated each other and also would have liked to know that several of his uncles/brother were alcoholics.
That it is not only okay, but important for you to be your own person and stay an individual. Each of you having friends of your own is good for a healthy marriage.
How to analyze trouble spots in a relationship. The son-mother connection is important. Whether he treats you with contempt at any point. Does he treat you with the utmost respect. Can he make you laugh. How to communicate effectively to resolve issues.
Speaking from a woman's point of view: How he was raised, what his relationship is with his mother, father and family (but particularly mother). Whether he has a "past" and what issues there might be from that past (garbage/baggage)
That committment, communication and REALISTIC expectations are key to having a marriage succeed. But that you don't always have to do stuff together. For instance, before marriage, I was Lisa the Person. Once married, I became Lisa the Wife. It's a new role with responsibilities, but in order for me to remain mentally healthy, I still needed time for Lisa the Person. Once married, not everything has to be done together.
I would like to have seen him in a tense situation to see how he handles himself (can he keep his cool or does he fly off the handle?)
More knowledge on how to synchronise as a couple in raising children. (but you learn as you go too...)
Before I got married, I would have liked to have better communication skills, to be more able to express my thoughts and feelings more accurately without feelings of anger and frustration.
I would have liked to have known him a little better (good habits, bad habits that may become bigger later on).
I would have liked to know that I should have made lots more changes before stepping into a marriage. An example of what I mean is....getting the counseling that I needed to deal with my baggage.
This one is really hard to explain, but it is sort of "How to understand the 'other' side. The 'other' side being the one that you are not aware of when you are courting - how to handle that.
I would have probably liked some more history of the family. So much crap came out after we were married for awhile, but that took 10 years. Would it have changed my mind, ......I doubt it.
I wish that I would have been guided to really explore why I was getting married and what I wanted out of marriage; Some personality testing of both myself and partner would have helped understand and appreciate each other; Info about the natural progression of the marriage relationship over the years especially when children come on the scene; Technical business end of things, like get your name on house, car, etc. papers, make sure there was a pre-nup.
In depth marriage counselling so that we really really really understood what we were doing. Someone who would ask the hard questions and wouldn't just accept...oh we're so in love and we talk all the time...kind of answers. Hard questions that really made us look at who we were seperate, and who we were together, and what we were in store for in the future.
I really wish someone would have made me think through my decision to start a family. I love my kids, but I really didn't know what I was getting into and I really wasn't prepared. I realize that you can never be fully prepared. I wish someone would have spoke up about the incredible, intense responsibility...24/7 responsibilities that go with parenthood. It's not just having cute kids and playing at the park. It is on-call all the time for years and years.
Married life is both fun and work. Dating is just fun. But that's what's great, in marriage, you have someone to share the work with, which is always more fun than dating alone.
I would have like to have known that 10 years difference in age REALLY does make a huge difference in communication there really is a generation age gap. It does effect how you respond to each other and right down to little things like music in the car or tv shows.
I would have liked to have understood more clearly my partner's faith and understood my relationship with my father (left the family when I was 13 - still had stuff to resolve...)
